Destigmatic - a note

What are the things I love and value about myself that overlap between health and sickness?

For example, being high spirited. With grace and art this is an admired pillar of many personalities. With the stain of mood disorder the purity of the positive esteem of high spiritedness is compromised - it's self-stigmatised in my case.

I reclaim the positive evaluation of such features and virtues. They gave me fear. I would gaze askew at such things. "Is this symptomatology?" I would ask myself

I am going to accept these things. Having had the feelings of unbearable euphoria in the past I feel that de-stigmatising myself is similar in buoyancy but not unbearability

I am re-evaluating all the pharmakon as Plato would put it. Is my laughter, say, medicine or poison?

Having a mood disorder can lead to questions like "is this joy I'm experiencing OK?" Such self-questioning is self checking for safety. I put it to the reader that such self-doubting is exhausting after - years. I've come to realise from others that yes I have an illness and sometimes I'm going to be ok, maybe a lot of the times. Sometimes it's ok to be at ease and at ease with the energy that will present itself as vigilance and I ask that energy to present itself as something of more love, happiness with some sort of gesture of social equanimity. Be it warmth, home, modesty, bonhomie or friendship.

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