Theory

"The great pond and its waste of the lilies, all this
Had to be imagined as an inevitable knowledge,
Required, as a necessity requires" - Wallace Stevens

"I came to theory desperate, wanting to comprehend-to grasp what was happening around and within me. Most importantly, I wanted to make the hurt go away. I saw in theory then a location for healing." bell hooks

I wanted to take a gulp
and a second take
and be sure of the
genius of my primary
senses

to have the volume and the delineatory
the power by squares, the scacchic
staples of coffee and cigarettes.
Position perfect on a complex planes
as possible

to make myself a home
in knowledge and move out of home
even if in sore loss I would
make siege and launch engine
to occupy a point and perceive panorama

that my flushed senses would dry
and my skin and hair turn as sand
my plenty became contingent
and I feasted when I could
even of the most gamey meat

then to medieval cloisters and anchors
though I wasn't yet as hermit
and i had no need to
rearrange my shape surreally
my piss echoed in my pituitary

love required an exchange of gut instincts
and the recitation of book parts by birds
I gave the call and this is where I fugue
old paleo world pond where lizards wheeze
ancient star streak though i am sick

is this the eternal return? because I
return to a desire for transparency
for a trigonometry of lilies, wheat
and farmhouses. It is the sphere of water wheels

I can walk this geography in a courtyard
it mumbles in my cells, when I am reminded
of remainders. it is a pill and a cuff
and now to fast a while and purge
by body memory, by pulse of historical violence

til free and breath-backed
where my heart is purer or stupid
what have you
and all lines disappear to scars
and my journey fits in a palm.